Balancing the line. Trainer vs Friendship
Navigating Professional Boundaries in an Evolving Relationship

As a seasoned trainer with over two decades of experience, I've often found myself grappling with the complexities of forging friendships with clients. My journey began in the bustling streets of New York City immediately after college, where I discovered that navigating personal connections within a professional setting could be a delicate dance. Initially, my training roots were grounded in the Lotte Berk method, which served as a surprisingly rigid foundation for my career. Despite a sense of isolation that came with working in an upper-crust environment where clients typically were 10 to 15 years my senior, I quickly learned the importance of maintaining professional boundaries.
I vividly remember those early days in 1999, teaching group classes while clients adorned in pearls paid $30 each to sweat alongside me. At that point in my life, I was simply grateful for a steady salary, health insurance, and camaraderie with my fellow employees. The unspoken hierarchies among instructors and clients reinforced the need to draw a hard line: I was a professional, there to serve, not to socialize. We could laugh and chat, but my role was to facilitate their workouts without crossing into friendship territory.
As I transitioned into Pilates at a contemporary studio, I encountered a radically different vibe. Suddenly, I was surrounded by fellow artists, dancers, and musicians who shared my passions. Classes were more relaxed, and the price points were friendlier. While the notion of befriending my clients seemed more permissible, I still kept my relationships professional, allowing for light-hearted banter and personal anecdotes without losing my authoritative edge as a trainer.
In 2006, when I took the brave step of opening my own studio, I continued to maintain that balance. I aimed to know my clients as more than just names on a roster—remembering their children's names and engaging with them personally helped to foster a supportive environment. Yet, my business partner and best friend had a different approach. He often crossed those professional boundaries, socializing with clients outside of the studio. As a married man with children, I recognized our contrasting styles. It was not a source of conflict; rather, it was an acknowledgment of our individual choices.
Reflecting on this experience, I realized the repercussions of these choices in hindsight. When my partner sold the studio to me and left to pursue his yoga career, many clients felt abandoned, as if a personal connection had been severed. Though he received some cheers for taking a leap, the mixed emotions revealed the weight of those friendships in a professional landscape.
In 2020, the world changed dramatically with the onset of the pandemic. As everything transitioned to an online format, we were all forced to adapt. Zoom workouts became the new norm, and suddenly everyone was thrust into a landscape where personal connections flourished through shared experiences. Check-ins encompassed more than just physical progress; they became moments of vulnerability and humanity. The boundaries I had previously set began to blur as I discovered that clients craved emotional connection just as much as physical guidance.
This newfound bond has encouraged me to embrace a more open approach. I now actively engage with clients on a personal level, accepting offers to socialize and share experiences outside the studio. It aligns with the evolving perception of my role; I’m here to serve the individual rather than the paycheck.
Yet, there are moments in class when I remind clients that I’m not their friend while challenging them to push through difficult exercises. It serves as a reminder that their workout is of paramount importance. If associating with Leslie—your trainer—makes you more inclined to show up for that session, then I wholeheartedly embrace that.
In contemplating the fine line between trainer and friend, I've distilled my insights into several key themes that may resonate with trainers and clients alike:
- Understanding Boundaries: While establishing personal connections can enhance the training experience, recognizing the professional boundaries that need to exist is essential in maintaining respect in the trainer-client relationship. Trainers must learn to balance empathy with professionalism.
- Embracing Evolution: The fitness landscape has continually evolved, especially with the advent of technology and social media. Learning to adapt to these changes is crucial for establishing deeper connections within a professional framework.
- Value of Connection: Engaging genuinely with clients fosters a sense of community, promoting overall wellness and connecting on a deeper level. The real triumph lies in honing that balance, ensuring both parties derive benefit from the bond.
- Crisis as a Catalyst: The challenges brought on by the pandemic highlighted the necessity of emotional connections within fitness. Training sessions became therapeutic encounters that transcended physical exercise, adding layers of support to individuals navigating hardships.
- Personalized Experience: Trainers are not merely fitness guides; they are relationship builders. The more authentic and relatable the trainer, the more engaged clients will be.
Navigating the space between trainer and friend is complex, yet essential in the ever-evolving fitness landscape. As the lines blur, it’s critical to maintain a sense of professionalism while fostering genuine connections. My journey from a traditional Lotte Berk studio to creating my own contemporary Pilates environment reveals the importance of adaptability in our roles as trainers.
By embracing vulnerability and authenticity, we, as trainers, contribute significantly to the wellness of our clients—not just physically, but emotionally. The pandemic has taught us that these connections are more vital than ever. Moving forward, trainers can benefit from being open to friendships while also establishing a framework that respects both sides of the relationship.
In the end, the most rewarding experiences come from understanding that we are not just instructors; we are supporters, motivators, and sometimes friends who help individuals achieve their goals. The key lies in finding the right balance—one that accommodates personal connection while maintaining the integrity and professionalism that defines our role. As we continue to adapt and grow in our practices, let us remember: cultivating these relationships can enhance both our clients’ experiences and our own journeys as fitness professionals.














































































































